One Semester of Spanish Love Song

Emotional Roller Coaster

Well, I haven't blogged in a while because I have been on an emotional roller coaster and didn't have much to say. After 12 years of being married, Jason and I finally got pregnant. We were so excited because we'd been praying for so long for it. The month before Jason and I were about to start fertility drugs I got pregnant. It was quite a miracle. However, after going to the doctor and having an ultrasound we found out that the getsational sac was empty. Somewhere along the way, the cells quit splitting and growing. Last weekend I miscarried which has sent me on a ride I had always feared. We are sad, but we see there is hope. The fact that I even got pregnant was a miracle and my doctor believes the chances are high that it will happen again.

In all of this, there are two things that I'm really glad about. One is that I'm coming out of this and so far, I haven't been mad at God. That was my biggest fear. I tried to be really honest with God about where I am and not ignore Him. Second is the fact that I've not been bitter at others who are pregnant or have children of their own. Before I ever got pregnant, I made a concsious descision to celebrate new life even if I was never to have children of my own. This decision was tested when I was at school day after I had the ultrasound and a teacher brought her newborn baby into the room where I was. Immediately, I felt sadness, but I decided in that moment to rejoice for that life that God gives.